The 5 Do’s and 5 Don’ts of Grindr messaging
We hate it and we love it. The fact of the matter is Grindr (other apps available) is a part of modern gay life. We’ve all fallen victim to catfishing, had run-ins with our exes, received hateful messages and been creeped out by the local weirdos. Here is my little guide to the 5 do’s and don’ts to try and make Grindr a better place for all of us.
Do’s
1 FILL OUT YOUR PROFILE! Do you know how many sexy guys I’ve passed on because they have 0 information? Whether I’m looking for sex or looking to make friends I want to talk to a guy who is going to be open and make an effort. Filling out your profile increases your chance of getting messages and gives a better impression of you. It also saves on a lot of conversations that aren’t going to go anywhere.
2 Be KIND! Homophobia, social pressure, drugs, childhood trauma; there are enough negative influences on the mental health of the modern LGBT+ individual so the last thing any of us need is some arsehole on Grindr ruining our day with one stupid message.
3 WAIT to send those NSFW photos. You’ve got an amazing arse but unless he’s in the mood, a random arse pic comes across as aggressive and needy no matter how nice it is. Maybe ask him if he wants to see more pics of you? Consent is sexy.
4 Remember your self-worth. This is a vague point, but it applies to pretty much everything you do on Grindr. It should give you the confidence to message first, it should give you the confidence to ignore mean profiles. You’re great.
5 Know how to start a conversation. Take that initiative. If your opening line is as simple as “Hey, how are you?” add an emoji or something. Follow it up with a compliment/comment about some info you saw on their profile. “I’m into hiking too” “cute dog btw! I’ve got a black lab” it creates a connection and a topic of discussion. Let’s leave behind those “hey” “hey” “you ok” “yeah you” conversations!
Don’ts
1 Don’t keep messaging that really sexy profile if he hasn’t responded. He saw your message already I promise you. Maybe you’re not the right role for him maybe he’s into Daddies. The bottom line is it is his loss ok! not yours.
2 DON’T NOT SHOW YOUR FACE! (oops double negative) Seriously though, Grindr now lets us have 5 profile pictures there is no reason at all for you guys not to have a clear face pic on your profiles. Taking into consideration the new face only filter (An absolute god send) you guys are going to be missing out compared to us self-loving gays with 5 good quality photos.
3 Don’t be vague! What are you looking for? “I’m just looking” Ok well fuck off and stop wasting my time. If you don’t know what you’re looking for on Grindr how the hell are you going to tackle bigger issues like what you want out of your career?
4 Don’t be creepy! This is kinda general and there are many kinds of creepy. If you’re an older guy into younger guys, tone down the sexualness of your messages until he shows interest in that dynamic. If, like me, you’re a sub bottom looking for a Dom Top DO NOT start a convo with “I want to serve you master” it works 1 in 100 times and the rest will find you creepy. Play it cool! (I’ve learnt this the hard way in my home city)
5 DON’T be the scat guy. There are other websites/apps to find it on. Drop it into convo if you get a wiff (ha pun) of interest after discussing dom/sub roles and personal limits there are no other acceptable ways of talking about your poop fetish AND FOR GOD SAKE DON’T SEND UNSOLICITED SCAT PICS TO PEOPLE! SHAME SHAME SHAME.
*This one should go without saying and makes me particularly angry, so it needs its own paragraph. STOP PRETENDING TO BE STRAIGHT. YOU ARE NOT STRAIGHT. YOU ARE ON GRINDR. UNLESS YOU ARE LOOKING EXCLUSIVELY FOR OUR TRANS SISTERS YOU ARE NOT STRAIGHT, STOP WRITING STRAIGHT ON YOUR PROFILE, YOU’RE JUST A SELF HATING QUEER MAN DAMAGING OUR COMMUNITY.
Special thank you to @blockedongrindr for supplying the memes. Go give them a follow! Oh and while you’re at it follow me too. @xdavidxlucax have a great month guys, girls and everyone in between!
